Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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