I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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