Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fuck appropriateness.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
