got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
