Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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