I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
