Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
