You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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