i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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