If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
