I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
