Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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