Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
