You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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