He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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