So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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