U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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