does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
