I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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