Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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