the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were trust falling into bushes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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