He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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