i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ladies don't puke and tell
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
