Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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