Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
