I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
