i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
