it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
