oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
