I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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