but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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