Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
