How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
