just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
