I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
