a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
