Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
