It's like God shit irony all over that family
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
