If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
time to smoke my breakfast
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
