Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
