GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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