I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
