totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
