porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
