tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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