life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
