your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
false alarm, still single
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
