I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
