Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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