so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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