Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
